I'm sinking into depression, please help.

[strawberry9]

Please hear me out. I'm not doing well at all, I am sinking into depression. I have barely any sleep and I cannot help but drink cup after cup of coffee. I am losing weight and I cannot get myself to weep to let it out and when I do weep it really does not help all that much. I do not really feel like myself and I cannot think clearly. Depression for me is rare and this is probably one of the worst cases I have had since my last bout with it two years ago. I need a bit of help, my self-esteem is crippled, my mind is bogged down and I desire only to keep to myself. My loneliness is driving me mad and there seems to be no end in sight. I'm thinking about how much of a git I was to people in the past and the guilt is eating away at me. I have since then changed for the better but I cannot help but long to go back and set it all right. I keep having this vision in my mind of thee perfect girl. With little glasses and nice, smooth, silky, shiny hair that goes down to her shoulders, a cute little face and smooth warm skin, shining, entrancing eyes that resemble gems and would make diamonds envious. A cute small body that I could wrap my arms around and embrace close to my heart and keep the flame of my soul alive. All I want is a girl to wipe the tears away from my face, to tell me how wonderful I am, to tell me she loves me. I am otherwise a very happy individual but this is the only thing that haunts me. It is the most basic human emotion, love. I cannot help but want it. I am altogether very strung out by this, all I want is a girl to give my heart to. Whoever she is and wherever she is, I love her.

[Blue Lantern]

I believe D.H. Lawrence said what I wish to convey to you the best.

"Love is the flower of life, and blossoms unexpectedly and without law, and must be plucked where it is found, and enjoyed for the brief hour of its duration."
- D. H. Lawrence

This image you have, as perfect as it may be, is not something you can count on. Do not restrict yourself to one type of person, one set of looks.

If you had asked me what the perfect girl was a year ago, or two years, I would have responded with a long list of attributes that I found attractive, containing a few similar items on your list.

Ask me that same question 7 weeks ago, I would have said I have no idea. I wasn't looking for my "true love," and consequently I found something more perfect than I could possibly have imagined.

I do not mean to brag about this fact, but it illustrates an idea. You can spend a lifetime, or a billion lifetimes for that matter, searching for true love and not finding it, it's a billion to one chance. Or, you can let love do what love does best: let it find you.

And remember:
"Love is a great beautifier."
- Louisa May Alcott

[JesFriendMagnet]

Aw BL that was so nice. (:


And Strawberry9, I'm sorry about your depression and the way you feel. I don't think I'm going to be much help in this situation because I'm fighting with something pretty huge myself right now.

I know what it feels like to want the perfect person. I've got this image in my head of what the perfect guy would be; how he would act, and treat me, and look, and everything. Frankly though, I put my standards way high and realized that I can't think like that. I can't think, "Oh, well, I want someone who's.." because what are the chances that I'll find that? I was setting my standards so high that even if someone managed to see something in me, I wouldn't even look twice because I'd pick out their imperfections.

You have two choices; wait to see if love comes to find you, or to go out and find love. Both of these tasks generally just SUCK. Because you can wait forever and it's not definite that anything will happen, or you can go out and find a few different people but it's not positive that you'll have good/great relationships or like them back. Know what I mean?

If you're really restless, I recommend going around your town and just meeting however many new people that you can. Make plans with your friends as often as humanly possible, even if it doesn't sound like the most fun thing you could do. Just get out there and do something. Give new people a chance. Don't set specific standards on the type of girl you want. Try talking to people you haven't seen in a while, too. You never know what kind of fires can be kindled or rekindled.

Hope I helped a little bit.
And I love how I'm ALL talk and don't even abide by half of the stuff I say.
...Oh well.
:\

[Moonchild10]

I'm sorry to hear you're depressed D8
Being horrible with dealing with depression myself whenever I get it, I don't know if I'm one to attempt to give advice, but I'll give it a shot.

If you feel lonely but only want to keep to yourself, maybe you could try stepping out of your comfort zone and spending time with people anyway. Think of the people who make you laugh the most, and call them up.

I know it can suck to feel your self-esteem sinking... maybe you should think of a few things you like about yourself and repeat them over and over whenever you're feeling down. Focus on the good you've contributed to people's lives and try to forget the bad, since it's in the past and can't be changed. But if you feel like you want to make things right, maybe you could apologize or something, or do something nice for someone to set your guilt at ease.

As far as love... I'm 19 and still have never been on a date, so needless to say I'm not exactly one to give advice. But remember never to set your standards too high, and even though you can always keep that vision of your perfect girl, realize that you might have to settle for someone else in the end.

I really hope you feel better soon! If you ever want to talk you can IM me on Yahoo as shuichi_pockyface and on AIM as Ritsu Minami. Good luck! ^^

[strawberry9]

Thank you for your suggestions and help. You are all very kind. ^_^

[romancelvr]

I went through an experience of depression recently and, well I don't know if what I say helps you but it made me realize a lot of stuff.
First love isn't perfect, so to imagine the perfect person to love is just imaginary. Every person you ever meet is going to have imperfections, but working through those complications with the person you care about makes loving them worthwhile.
And though everyone says it, there really is no one perfect person. So beating yourself up for those faults that you have is as silly as getting angry at everyone for their imperfections. Worrying about actions or problems that bring you down is just not worth it. I mean think of just one instance in your life where just worrying about a situation, fixed whatever problem was at hand. I’m sure that you won’t find many, if any at all.
You don’t have to be happy all the time, but you should never hate yourself. Remember that even if someone is mad at you they would not wish for you to tear yourself apart from guilt or self disgust. Next time those thoughts of self loathing enter your mind, don’t listen to them. Those thoughts are there to hurt you not to make you realize the truth of the situation or make you feel any better. So just let them go, it’s strange but it really is that happy.
I hope that helped you. Think of it this way, it takes less muscles to smile than frown, and thus less exercise. So take a break from all that calorie burning your tears have caused, and just relax so that you can finally smile.

[iccolo]

oh here is what i think you should ask your friend bill what you should do and that sould help

[abigail <3]

i hope that you're feeling better strawberry9! :] but if you ever need to talk! i'm here for you. i'm not really that good at giving advice, but i do what i can.

[strawberry9]

KA-OOL. THANK YA.

[iccolo]

im hungry so im gunna eat you :eats strawberry9:

[strawberry9]

My spirit shall consume your sould Iccolo! I can eat planets!