Groped at a Safeway...

[Obsessive0514]

On Saturday, I had the absolute creepiest experience in my entire life.

My mom, my younger siblings, and I went to the local Safeway to pick up some snack food, so I decided to look for the Pocky on my own, since I've been going to this store pretty much my entire life. This Safeway has gotten... slightly unpleasant in the past few years, with the new Safeway and Haggens now in the same area, but this time when we came into the store I felt extremely uneasy, like I knew something bad was going to happen.

Anyway, after grabbing two boxes I started leaving the aisle until I was stopped by a boy I knew in elementery school. We greeted each other, did that Handshake/High-Five thing, and then one of his friends (who, come to think of it, was very likely drunk) asked me for my name. I told him, thinking it would be harmless. Then he said "I remember you, give me a hug." I didn't have enough time to think about whether this would be a good idea, so I went along with it. But one of his hands was wandering towards my butt, and his other arm was already firmly around me.

I can't remember if his hand reached my butt, but I know he atleast touched directly below it. When I saw and felt this, I shouted (or just said, I was really freaked out) "HEY!" and I attempted to push myself out of his grip. After probably only a few seconds, the boy let me go and walked away with his friends, with no visible sign of remorse, not even a reaction from my ex-classmate that I could see. After a second of watching the creep and his, I raced off to find my mom. I told her and my siblings in the car, where they gave me charming ideas of self-defense such as saying "You don't want to do that, I just [pooped] my pants," and my mom also saying that if I'd told her in the store we would have gotten out of there faster. She told my dad and he said that he would have hunted the kid down and killed him. I love my parents.

The worst part is that I couldn't have broken free myself. That was the first time in my life that I felt truly vulnerable and helpless. I'd always planned to fight back if I were ever attacked, I've been taking Karate classes. But none of that came out the other day. And since I've just felt... I don't know... Depressed, pessimistic, at school I was constantly looking over my shoulder, hoping not to run into the creep. I suppose violated is the word I'm looking for. After all, this was my first "sexual" encounter of any sort EVER.

That's all I'll say for now. I guess I'll add more later.

[abigail <3]

oh goodness! that [is] horrible! i will gladly go and hunt that kid down and kill him for you! just tell me where he is and RAWRRR! he will die. [gets ready] mwhahaha >:]>

i am so sorry that that happened! the boy is stupid and i think that he has no life and just thinks he should take out his problems on you. goodness. i hope that you never come to encounter him again! he is surely a creep!

[JesFriendMagnet]

Guys at our age SUCK. THEY JUST DO.

Damn pervs.

This is sort of [only NOT AT ALL] like my experience the other night; Dude pinned me against the wall with a pool stick.

..Only the dude was joking and he was my GOOD friend.

But like.. I HATE MYSELF FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO GET HIM OFF ME. I want to like smash something.


All I can say is, you were in PERFECT ball-crushing position; In one swift, simple motion of your knee, he could've been curled up in a little ball on the floor. Crying.


That's my advice; Stick with that. Won't let you down.

[Blue Lantern]

You know the freakiest way to get someone to stop attacking you, assuming there's room to do it?

I call this little move the "Sternum Tap," and it's done exactly as it sounds.

When I do it, it's as a joke and doesn't cause harm, so I take my middle or pointer finger and tap it firmly into the guy's chest, just above the nipple line in terms of height. With the practice I've put in, I can make my karate friend freak out if I even look like I am going to do it. Apparently to him, it hurts providing you contact the bone itself.

If you wanted to cause pain, I would suggest using a knuckle of some sort to increase the force behind it, but an incredible amount is not required.

It appears to be scary because of the suprising amount of discomfort it creates whle requiring little effort. It also scares them because with that kind of placement and damage with such little effort, who knows what else you could do.

[Obsessive0514]

Thanks, guys. Really, I truly appreciate it.

I've just been having this unsettling realization: I was sexually assaulted. Legally, that was sexual assaulted, and by some definitions, sexual battery. This creep could get charged for what he did. If I can get his name, I think I might report him. Or at least, I'll try. Otherwise, my parents will call his parents, and he'll be in big trouble, especially for being drunk.

[strawberry9]

It's blokes like that, that promote the stereotype I was talking about in one of my posts. That ALL blokes are only interested in sex. It's not true at all. There are the few lowly perverts who have nothing better to do with their time than be ignorant, chauvinistic, sex-driven, moronic pigs. But a lot of blokes are nice and considerate. Looks like you caught the bad. That is most unfortunate. I wouldn't suggest violence as an outlet or way of getting even. Violence only leads to more violence. I suggest reflecting upon what I have said. There is bad in the world, but the good outweigh the bad.

[Obsessive0514]

Though I would love to track him down and hold a knife to his throat until he promises to pay for all my therapy or counselling or whatever I'll need to help me get over this, I guess maybe that won't be the best legal choice.

My mom says that we should wait and discuss reporting the crime to the police until after my next psychiatrist appointment. That's next Monday. I've started writing out what I will say to the boy I knew when I call him asking for the attacker's name and phone number. Now I just gotta gain the courage to call.

Ugh, yet another upsetting discovery. This one even more unsettling. By definition, I was... molested. I went through a shock of some sort for a few days there. At my friend's birthday party, every sex reference made me want to cry. (Especially when words like "molest" were used in average conversation, and when someone was pretending to be sad about being "groped".)

I really, really want to report the bastard. Or at least what he did. I almost want to take it court. According to Oregon state law, I was sexually abused, and that's something one can sue someone for. He's inside my head and he's been playing with my brain. And he probably doesn't even know he's there.

[Moonchild10]

Gah! I'm really, really sorry to hear that happened to you. Pervs like that are just terrible.

I don't know what to say to help, other than that you should definately call AND press charges against the creep. He deserves it, especially because of all the trauma it's caused you. I would definately beat him to a pulp for you if I knew where he lived and if I didn't have such a weak punch >.<

I really, really hope you feel better soon! <3 I'll always be here if you need to talk!

[Obsessive0514]

I'm going to copy and paste this from somewhere else I posted this.

The school police officer said she would talk to Adam, the abuser's friend, to find his identity. She told me that under Oregon State law, what happened falls under "Sex Abuse in the 3rd Degree". That whole day, waiting for the results, I was on edge, excited and nervous. I thought I could finally feel safe. I figured Adam would be smart enough not to lie to the POLICE.

So, during the last fifteen minutes of my last class of the last day before the break, I went to talk to her to find out what she learned. What did Adam say to her?

"I've never been shopping with my friends, only with my mom."
"I don't drink, I'm an athlete."
"It wasn't me. Even she agreed that it was probably someone who looked just like me." (I just wanted to end the conversation. That is such shit.)

That's all I can remember from my conversation with the officer. I started crying for the first time in months. It actually felt nice to cry again. She obviously didn't want to upset me, but she sure didn't say ANYTHING to HELP. It sounded like she was siding with Adam. She bought it all. She started spouting the same crap the first officer I spoke to said.

"Maybe he liked you."
"Maybe he thought you would want to date him."
"I think you should just put this to rest. Move on."
"Now you know what to do next time."

I KNEW HOW TO DEFEND MYSELF!! But I COULDN'T. I was SCARED. We'd never met, how the hell could any of that had been going through his mind?!

I'm partly angry at my mom. Just a little. Right after it happened and I told her, she discouraged me from going to the police like I wanted to. This officer kept saying that if I reported it right away they could have done something. Gotten the security tapes from Safeway, asked Adam when it was still fresh in his mind. But my mom convinced me nothing could be done. She was still really supportive, but...

So I told about all this. I cried some more. I want to cry now. She talked to a long-time family friend who knows Adam and suggested we call his parents. My moom thinks it would be best if my dad calls. More threatening that way, I guess. But I have to talk to him about everything. I have no idea why, but talking to my dad about this makes me really uncomfortable. My mom had to tell him what happened in the first place. Any ideas on how I can talk to him so he can call Adam's parents?

On a different note, about a week before all this, I experienced street harassment for the first time. I was walking home from the bus, and two idiots, possibly from my school, drove by. One of them extended what may have been his entire torso, and shouted to me "I WANNA [some verb I didn't hear] YOUR PUSSY!" It took me a second to process what he said, and by then they were farther away. I wish he got hit by a tree for poking out so far. I decided not to let it get to me, but I still feel ashamed, dirty... I guess I never really thought of my vagina as a sexual body part. Now, whenever I think about what happened, I feel like it's exposed. Like people can see it through my pants.

[Obsessive0514]

Oh God... This Sunday is the "one year mark". Wow.

[Moonchild10]

It's awful that Adam lied to the police, and I wish your mother would have been more supportive about reporting it! And that asshole who yelled at you from the car... jeez. What's wrong with people these days? I wish guys would stop being such perverts.

I'm really sorry about everything that's happened, and I really hope you're feeling better!